Category / Crossculural Marriage & Family

by daviddawson462742281

Intercultural Communication – A Missionary Family Experience 

Context

This year I complete 30 years as a full-time missionary, and my wife and I celebrate 24 years of marriage. We have three children aged 19, 16, and 13. As missionaries, we are called to communicate the gospel of Jesus Christ in cross-cultural contexts. In this paper I explore several paradigms of intercultural communication in relation to my family’s immigration to Portugal at the end of 2020. Specifically, I will be dealing with the first year and a half of our new life in Portugal, which I consider to be the most critical season of transition and cultural adaptation. Several different experiences will be described and analyzed using intercultural studies theory and research. Learning to communicate is crucial during an immigrant family’s initial phase of adjustment. One thirty-two-year missions veteran turned consultant observes that:

Once on the field, some missionaries leave because of unmet expectations. They struggle with the challenges of the work, the hardship of life in difficult places, or they cannot adjust to life in a culture so different from their own. Failing to achieve a working fluency in the local language reduces one’s personal sense of connection with and effectiveness in the host culture. (Vandagriff, 2017)

Many missionaries quit during the first years on the field, and I hope this paper can yield insight for increased success. 

Family dynamics are crucial to long-term intercultural ministry. The missionary vocation my wife and I share does not extend to our children. However, children of missionaries are forced to learn intercultural communication as well. My wife and I have always endeavored to center our ministry around family life. We don’t our Christian service to be something distant, irrelevant, or worse – incomprehensible – to our children. Consequently, this paper refers to the experiences of intercultural communication that our family shared together. 

I proceed then with a definition of intercultural communication. This discipline can be described as, “Interpersonal communication between individuals (or groups) who have been socialized in different cultural (and, in most cases, linguistic) environments” (Jackson 2020). Intercultural communication includes communication between individuals and groups of different races, ethnicities, cultures, and nations (Kitao 1985). 

And what means does this activity employ? People communicate through physical coding that includes language, extraverbal gestures, and media. But even distracting elements such as noise and distortion are part of this coding. Each of us interprets a message within a framework by which we hear, see, and feel the information. If our communication is not, therefore, focused equally on the audience as on the message, it will not be effective (Moreau et al. 2014). 

To the importance of intercultural communication – in particular for missionaries – various contemporary factors are significant: “Globalization; internationalization; transportation and technological advances; changing demographics; the rise in populism, localism, and xenophobia; conflict and peace; ethics; and personal growth/responsibility” (Jackson 2020). 

New Beginning in Portugal

In 2020 my family and I immigrated to Portugal from the U.S. We had only been in the U.S. for three years, having spent most of our lives as a family in Brazil (2002-2017). The initial transition from Brazil to the U.S. in 2017 was also a time of development regarding intercultural communication. Surely the time in the U.S. gave us some useful tools and preparation for the subsequent move to Portugal. 

            Our family arrived in Portugal already possessing one of the most important parts of the physical coding through which people communicate – a shared language. Language can be defined as “an organized, generally agreed upon, learned symbol-system, used to represent the experiences within a geographic location (….) the primary means by which a culture transmits its beliefs, values, and norms (.…) a means of interacting with other members of the culture and a means of thinking” (Samovar, Porter, and Jain 1981). My family and I came to Portugal possessing this primary means of cultural transmission. However, there is a significant difference between the language spoken in Brazil and Portugal. I would compare this to the difference between American English and a strong Scottish or Irish accent. There are a multitude of vocabulary and grammatical differences in how Brazilians and the Portuguese speak. 

            In addition to learning to comprehend a new accent, our family had to learn a new religious language. The religion of both the U.S. and Brazil is rooted in its colonial past. Historically, the U.S. is known as a predominantly Protestant Christian country, a direct result of the religious affiliation of its Northern European colonizers. Although Brazil was colonized by the Roman Catholic Portuguese, a 2020 study found that 26.7% of the population affirms affiliation to a non-Catholic Christian denomination (Religion Affiliations in Brazil 2020, n.d.).  The majority of non-Catholic Brazilian Christians are Evangelical Protestants like our family. Therefore, as Evangelicals in Brazil – although a majority Catholic country – my family never felt like a minority or a marginalized group. According to a 2011 census, 81% of the Portuguese population is Catholic, with 3.3% consisting of other Christian denominations such as Eastern Orthodox and Protestant (“Population of Portugal 2023 | Religion in Portugal,” 2021).  Consequently, this was the first time our family had to learn to communicate as members of a marginal minority religious group.

I will add here that according to the GLOBE cultural framework, Portugal is part of the country cluster Latin Europe, e.g., Israel, Italy, Spain, Portugal (House et al. 2004). Therefore, much of what describes Portuguese culture is true of the region of Latin Europe, sometimes referred to as Southern Europe. 

In some countries, certain religions have been significant historically but not today. The decline of Mainline Protestantism in Northern Europe would be an example of the decline of traditional religion. In contrast, Southern Europe is not only predominantly Catholic historically, the church continues to be one of the most significant factors in Portuguese culture (Medina, 2021).  Portugal is one of the oldest nations in the world, with over 800 years of history and relatively secure borders of its territory (“About Portugal,” n.d.).  This Lusitanian nation has one of the greatest maritime traditions in world history, spearheading the era of exploration in the 15th century (European Exploration – The Age of Discovery | Britannica, n.d.).  The spread of the Catholic faith was one of the foundational motivations for Portuguese explorers and the empire that sponsored them (The Legacy of Henry the Navigator, n.d.).  Therefore, the cultural identity of even secular Portuguese is intimately interwoven with Roman Catholicism. 

How We Did

The success of our family’s new life in Portugal – including ministry – required being able to appreciate their Worldview. Worldview is pretheoretical, “Generally not found at the conscious level, and the assumptions that compose it are not necessarily coherently linked to one another; they may even be contradictory” (Moreau et al. 2014). Of course, our family brought its own presuppositions, including those of a religious, political, and philosophical nature. Our aim was to offer Christian service to the people of Portugal –natives or immigrants – in a way they deemed valid and relevant. But the positive impact of our family’s worldview in this new context would depend on the ability to embody it with love. 

            The principle of love from the teachings of Christ is relevant intercultural communication. As the apostle Paul wrote:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is non self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (New International Version, 2011, I Corinthians 13:4-8) 

My wife and I believed that our Christian worldview gave us something of value to share with the Portuguese people. But we could only transfer the gospel vision fruitfully with attitudes and behaviors according to Christian love. 

            Any cross-cultural experience involves the experience of being an outsider. The term ingroup refers to “groups that we feel emotionally attached to (e.g., family, cultural or ethnic group members, a religious group)” (Jackson 2020). Inversely, outgroup describes, “groups that you feel distant from and may even feel in competition with when there are limited resources” (Jackson 2020). Although our family spoke Portuguese, were still part of an outgroup. We could choose the level of accommodation with which we communicated with the Portuguese. The effectiveness of communication depends on the level of accommodation being used.Communication accommodation theory explores “the reasons for, and consequences arising from, speakers converging toward and diverging away from each other” (Jackson 2020). Seeking acceptance, my family could accommodate its communication to the Portuguese in what is termed convergence. The opposite approach would be to maintain our way of speaking to draw attention to our affiliation with our ingroup – Brazilian American immigrants to Portugal. 

            To be good communicators, we also needed to be aware of negative prejudice towards us as members of outgroups. As Americans, we could be received by the Portuguese with contempt because of the huge recent influx of immigrants from that country. A majority of these American immigrants are Californians like ourselves who have been priced out of the housing market there (Welcome to Portugal, the New Expat Haven. Californians, Please Go Home, 2022). Many Portuguese resent the huge influx of remote working digital nomads and retired expats that have pushed housing prices up in Lisbon. Consequently, Lisbon has recently been cited as the third most expensive city in the world by income to housing ratio (Lisbon 3rd Most Expensive City to Live In, n.d.). 

As Brazilians, our family could be received by the Portuguese with contempt because of the tendency of their former Latin-American colonists to form cultural enclaves instead of integrating into Lusitanian culture (Tostes, 2019).  Brazilians are often perceived by the Portuguese as seeking a better life in terms of security and quality of life – if not always financially – and not necessarily desiring to integrate into Lusitanian society. The long-term goal of many Brazilian immigrants is to gradually bring as many members of their extended family to Portugal as possible. And those Brazilians who can prosper financially in Portugal often have a long-term plan to spend it back home when they eventually return. 

            The inclination for immigrants to develop cultural enclaves instead of integrating into society is hard to resist. People tend naturally – sometimes unconsciously – to be drawn to individuals and groups where language, culture, and values are shared (Jackson 2020). As a family of Brazilian Evangelical heritage, it is natural for us to gravitate towards our ingroup. As soon as we arrived in Portugal, our family began looking for an Evangelical church, which generally have a majority Brazilian membership. Even though my wife and I are missionaries, we were not immune to ethnocentrism, in which identity biases and discrimination are rooted (Jackson 2020). 

            In the beginning of our life in Portugal, the charm of the new culture was captivating. So much of the sights, sounds, and flavors that surrounded us were exciting and fascinating. But as time went by, negative attitudes toward the new culture began to emerge. Some stereotypes of the Portuguese people began to take form in our minds, related to things such as work ethic and dependence on socialist government assistance. This mindset is an example of essentialism, indicating circumstances where groups are presumed to share “universal and homogenous characteristics without consideration for variation” (Sorrells 2015). 

Another negative phenomenon in intercultural communication to which our family was susceptible was othering. Othering refers to social portrayal that entails “the objectification of another person or group” (Abdallah-Pretceille 2003). With this approach, all perspectives, and behaviors of ‘the other’ are attributed to culture, generally disregarding the complex and diverse nature that lies beneath the superficial level (Holliday 2012, 2019). Such a reductionist approach is detrimental to the development of significant intercultural connections (Jackson 2020). 

            During the initial phase of our immigration to Portugal, it became evident that each of us had a unique enculturation. As it relates to intercultural communication, enculturation includes the socialization process, by which “individuals develop the ability to appropriately use and interpret verbal and nonverbal cues in particular cultural contexts” (Jackson 2020). My wife was born and raised in Brazil where she lived until she was 20. I was reared in the U.S. until I was 18 when I left for overseas missionary service. Each of our children have experienced different cultural formations based on where our family was living at critical times of their development. Of the three siblings, my eldest daughter spent the longest time in Brazil – 14 years. My son seems to be the most impacted by American culture, perhaps because he lived there from 11-13 years of age, a very impressionable period. My youngest daughter was 11 when we moved to Portugal and has seemed to adapt the fastest to the new context, especially linguistically. 

Another factor our family has had to navigate in adapting to Portuguese culture is contexting. This term refers to a policy of choosing the proper blend of verbal and non-verbal communication to convey a message. In the U.S., low-context communication is more common, meaning what is being expressed generally exists within the specific words being used. In Portugal, high-context communication is predominant, by which most of the meaning is in the physical context or internalized in the communicants (Moreau et al. 2014). Most of what the Portuguese communicate is not expressed directly and verbally, but rather indirectly and nonverbally (Jackson 2020). 

Brazilian culture is also characterized by high-context communication. Because of her upbringing, my wife tends to read much more into non-verbal communication in her interactions with the Portuguese. Intercultural communication research indicates that non-verbal communication is the primary form of human communication. International studies have found that the amount of non-verbal communication ranges between 65% and 95% (Matsumoto & Hwang 2015). As a result of my wife’s enculturation, she tends to be much more sensitive to body language, tone of voice, and other forms of “socially shared coding systems of communication beyond language” (van de Vijver 2018). My wife’s ability to read into things like body language and eye contact is helpful not only in Portugal but Southern Europe as a whole (Hall 1991). As a missionary, if I want to have influence in Latin Europe I should observe and imitate my wife. 

As someone from a low-context communication culture, learning how to be indirect sometimes feels to me like learning how to lie. Inversely, for high-context communicators such as the Portuguese, learning to be direct can feel like developing an ability to insult people without remorse. Having dealt with this type of cross-cultural difference in Brazil, I came to Portugal benefitting from some prior experience (Moreau et al. 2014). 

             Another aspect of non-verbal communication – chronemics – represents probably the single biggest difficulty our family’s adaptation. Chronemics – the way we understand and appraise time, administer our time, and react to time – affects how we communicate (Berglund 2015). The Portuguese workday is flexible – tending to start between 9:00 and 11:00 am and ending at 07:00 – 09:00 pm. The time of day or night when people gather and communicate is an aspect of chronemics (Moreau et al. 2014). As difficult as it is for our family, we must understand that our concept of chronemics is not universal. If we are humble enough to allow them, such cultural differences can teach us patience. We have learned to schedule meals with Portuguese friends over breakfast or lunch, but not dinner because we don’t want to eat at 10:00-11:00 pm.

            Southern European countries tend to take a polychronic approach to life in which time is perceived as an immediate point in which life happens instead of a road we are travelling on. Polychronic cultures tend to see time as a river that carries all of us along, bringing us experiences along the way. In these cultures, one is considered wiser to participate in these events instead of attempting to resist or control. Instead of viewing events as occurring at a specific moment, polychronic societies view all things happening together. Therefore, we should experience life as it happens rather than attempting to organize it (Moreau et al 2014). 

By contrast, with a monochronic orientation to time, “tasks are done one at a time, and time is segmented into precise, small units so that one’s day is scheduled, arranged, and managed. Time is basically like a commodity; hence, the common saying, ‘Time is money’” (Jackson 2020). Even though Brazilian culture tends to be polychronic, under American influence our family has become more monochronic. Both my wife and I have personalities that desire planning, predictability, and harmony over spontaneity, and improvisation. Living in Portugal, therefore, has been a process of adaptation regarding perspectives of time. 

            Fruitful intercultural communication also requires sensitivity to identity – both our own and that of others. Each culture has a unique concept of identity, which is “(1) developed through primary socialization, (2) formed in different ways in different parts of the world, (3) multiple and complex, (4) both dynamic and stable, (5) both chosen and ascribed, (6) variable in strength and salience, and (7) conveyed through verbal and nonverbal means” (Jackson 2020). 

Foundational socialization in different cultures forms notions of identity related to power that influence intercultural communication. More powerful societies produce definitions of people groups and ethnicities that they intend to exploit. Such views of identity affect individuals and groups on either side of the power balance. As people immigrating from the U.S., our family could be unaware of our position of privilege in the eyes of the Portuguese. Whenever people from different linguistic and cultural contexts relate to each other, their power status is unequal (Jackson 2020). Intercultural communication is affected by the position each part occupies in the social order of power, including one’s nationality and accent (Kubota 2014). My wife and I learned, for example, not to tell the Portuguese we had immigrated because the cost of living in California was too high. I cited earlier the rising cost of living in Lisbon attributed – correctly or not – to an influx of Californian immigrants. As missionaries, we don’t want this power balance issue to undermine our relationships with the Portuguese. 

Another intercultural communication paradigm relevant to our family’s initial integration into Portuguese culture was the dichotomy between individualist and collectivist cultures. Individualist cultures define identity primarily in terms of individual expression and preference. In collectivist cultures, identity tends to be connected to the values and norms of the community. As an American, I have been formed in the most individualistic culture in the world (Moreau et al. 2014), while my wife and children were born into a collectivist culture. 

Portugal is a collectivist culture, expressed by its profile on the uncertainty avoidance parameter used in intercultural studies. A group’s tendency to feel threatened by ambiguous situations and to avoid uncertainty is a key cultural differentiator. Countries with strong uncertainty avoidance are “more averse to risk taking; they tend to favor rules and regulations and seek consensus about goals” (Jackson 2020). In our initial period of transition to life in Portugal, our family found the individualist vs. collectivist dichotomy of particular importance as it applies to relationships. In individualist cultures, relationships are voluntary associations, meaning that it is each party’s prerogative to either deepen ties or distance themselves. In contrast, in collectivist societies people are born into large in-group relationships that they are responsible to preserve for all their life (Moreau et al. 2014). This dynamic relates to the uncertainty avoidance paradigm further emphasizing the tendency to stay within their in-group. 

Inevitably our missionary family has crossed cultural boundaries and consequently the relationships we form in Portugal will be voluntary in essence. My wife and I observed that most Portuguese families tend to relate primarily to their extended families and some close longstanding relationships (e.g., childhood friends). Our children were able to develop friendships quickly enough, but for my wife and I it was difficult to develop friendships with Portuguese people in the first year and a-half. 

            Our family’s cultural, racial, national, and ethnic identities are ingrained in circumstances that are beyond our control. However, other aspects of our identity are influenced by our own choices and self-determination. For example, our religious identity, professional identity, and global/transnational identity – Evangelical Missionaries – makes us conspicuously different in Portugal. If fact, my wife, and I refer to our professional activity as members of a non-profit organization or teachers. Our children also prefer this description to, “Our parents are missionaries”, which the Catholic Portuguese would find strange and perhaps offensive. Jackson (2020) states that “Being different from the majority may stimulate deeper reflection on multiple dimensions of one’s identities (….) This experience tends to raise their awareness about the personal meaning of their regional, ethnic, and linguistic identities” (Jackson). All of us have multiple, dynamic identities which are influenced by “our desire to fit in with particular groups (…) Identities are complex and subject to negotiation; they may be contested or challenged in diverse contexts” (Jackson 2020). As much as my wife and I try to mitigate against negative perceptions, the fact remains that we are foreign immigrants that intend to influence Portuguese religious life. My wife and I must be mindful of the offensive nature of our identity and seek to communicate with the Portuguese in a way that is sensitive to the negative connotations they associate with certain aspects of our religious vocation. 

What I Would do Differently Now

The reflections of this paper lead me to several points where my family’s attitudes, thinking, and behavior could have been better. Understanding that the Portuguese are a collectivist, uncertainty avoidance culture, we could have calibrated our expectations regarding the development of friendships. Contributing to the growth of the kingdom of Christ in Portugal is a long-term project. Although God can do the impossible, I believe that change related to religion in Southern Europe tends to be gradual. Portugal is not a country characterized by a series of radical, sweeping changes in its religious life. Rather, the Lusitanian people have a relatively continuous and homogenous religious experience in Roman Catholicism. It is precisely the Portuguese’s continuity of tradition – political, religious, and linguistic – that sets it apart in the history of nations. 

Another lesson from this period is that when individuals process culture shock positively, they will do so in unique ways. My wife and I worried a lot about how each member of our family was adapting to life in Portugal. We sometimes used one-size-fits-all parameters to evaluate our progress. Looking back, I see that each of us did transition fruitfully, but that depended on our individual personalities and passions. 

I also believe that our family wasted energy trying to distance ourselves from out-group communities consisting of other immigrants such as us. Creating a cultural ghetto of expats is an error no missionary can afford to commit. However, I’m convinced that in a conservative and relatively homogenous culture making inroads takes time. Developing relationships with other immigrants is not the same as isolation. Being able to relate to people who are in a similar situation of cross-cultural transition is like a cup of water to a someone running a long race. You don’t want to stop and drink water too often, but it helps recuperate strength for the next stretch of the road. 

Essentialism and othering are two potentially negative forms of thought that our family sometimes fell into. At times we fell into generalizing attitudes towards the Portuguese which limited what we thought was possible in that context. It is important to avoid overly skeptical and corrective attitudes towards a culture. A missionary should never lose the optimism which believes that their new context is full of surprising potential. My wife and I were right to soberly accept certain realities of the Portuguese context pertaining to religion. But we became skeptical regarding the possibility of change in some areas that the kingdom of God exists to transform.

Regarding some cultural factors such as chronemics, at times our family suffered under exaggerated pressure to adapt. Although our motivation was praiseworthy, some cultural phenomena do not require emulation for fruitful relationships to develop. Our family possesses certain cultural dynamics that make us who we are. Being a relevant source of positive influence in Portugal does not mean nullifying every aspect of our family’s personality. 

I hope this paper can yield helpful insight into how missionary families can successfully transition into new contexts. The wealth of intercultural communication research is not merely a tool they may benefit from. The reality of missionary attrition leads me to the conviction that intercultural communication should be an integral part of preparing missionary families for the field. 

References

Abdallah-Pretceille, M. (2003) Former en Contexte Hétérogène. pour un Humanisme du Divers, Paris: Anthropos.

Berglund, J. (2015) ‘Time (Chronemics)’, in J.M. Bennett (ed.) The Sage Encyclopedia of Intercultural Competence, Volume 2, Los Angeles: Sage, pp. 800–2.

European exploration—The Age of Discovery | Britannica. (n.d.). Retrieved April 19, 2023, from https://www.britannica.com/topic/European-exploration/The-Age-of-Discovery

Hall, Edward T. (1991). The Dance of Life. New York: Doubleday. 59-77

Holliday, A.R. (2012) ‘Culture, communication, context and power’, in J. Jackson (ed.) The Routledge Handbook of Language and Intercultural Communication, London and New York: Routledge, pp. 37–51.

Holliday, A.R. (2019) Understanding Intercultural Communication: Negotiating a Grammar of Culture, 2nd edn, New York: Routledge.

House, R.J., Hanges, P.J., Javidan, M., Dorfman, P.W. and Gupta, V. (eds.) (2004) Culture, Leadership, and Organizations: The Globe Study of 62 Societies, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

Jackson, Jane. (2020) ‘Introducing Language and Intercultural Communication’, New York, NY: Routledge, 3, 2, 42, 42, 24, 143, 65, 145, 71, 105, 105, 82, 74-75, 112, 65, 285, 115, 140

Kitao, Kenji. 1985. “A Brief History of the Study of Intercultural Communication in the United States.”

Kubota, R. (2014) ‘Critical approaches to intercultural discourse and communication’, in C.B. 97

Lisbon 3rd most expensive city to live in. (n.d.). Retrieved April 19, 2023, from https://www.theportugalnews.com/news/2022-05-26/lisbon-3rd-most-expensive-city-to-live-in/67362

Matsumoto, D., and Hwang, H.S. (2015) ‘Intercultural nonverbal communication’, in in J.M. Bennett (ed.) The Sage Encyclopedia of Intercultural Competence, Volume 2, Los Angeles: Sage, pp. 513.

Medina, D. R. (2021, December 16). Top 10 Countries With a Large Catholic Population. Catholic World Mission. https://catholicworldmission.org/countries-with-catholic-population/

Moreau, A. Scott; Campbell, Evvy Hay; Greener, Susan. Effective Intercultural Communication (Encountering      Mission). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 11-12, 56, 129, 138, 118, 148-149, ,334, 245, 334

Population of Portugal 2023 | Religion in Portugal. (2021, June 3). Find Easy. https://www.findeasy.in/population-of-portugal/

Romero, Teresa (2022). Religion affiliation in Brazil as of 2020, by type. Statista. Retrieved April 19, 2023, from (“Population of Portugal 2023 | Religion in Portugal,” 2021)

Samovar, Larry A., Richard E. Porter, and Nemi C. Jain. 1981. Understanding Intercultural Communication. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth. 49

Sorrells, K. (2015) ‘Essentialism’, in J.M. Bennett (ed.) The Sage Encyclopedia of Intercultural Competence, Volume 1, Los Angeles: Sage, 298

Tostes, L. (2019, October 7). Brasileiros voltando de Portugal: Veja os dados e os motivos. Euro Dicas. https://www.eurodicas.com.br/brasileiros-voltando-de-portugal/

van de Vijver, F. (2018) ‘Nonverbal communication across cultures’, in Y.Y. Kim (ed.) The International Encyclopedia of Intercultural Communication, Volume 3, Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., pp. 1617–26.

Vandagriff, C. (2017, September 28). 5 Things That Make Missionaries Leave the Field. IMB. https://www.imb.org/2017/09/28/5-things-keep-people-off-mission-field/

Welcome to Portugal, the new expat haven. Californians, please go home. (2022, May 12). Los Angeles Times. https://www.latimes.com/world-nation/story/2022-05-12/california-expats-portugal-relocation-lisbon

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by daviddawson462742281

Encouraging What’s Best in Our Loved Ones

The apostle Paul encouraged us, “He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6).  Paul also taught the early church to “Encourage one another to good works” (He. 10:24) and to “Edify one another” (I Tess. 5:11).  But recently I have felt convicted by the Holy Spirit that I haven’t been encouraging my loved ones the way the Bible teaches us to.  Many times I complain and discourage those who are closest to me in relation to their God-given gifts.  

For example my youngest daughter has a strong personality.  She is extraordinarily perceptive of what is happening around her and often feels that she needs to react to things I consider “none of her business”.  This past Sunday our family was at church and there was a minor incident with a man who was visiting.  I won’t go into details but the man had an accident that was embarrassing for him.  He appeared to have some sort of mental or physical disability.  My daughter alerted me to what had happened and asked if we should do something.  I felt embarrassed for the man and looked around to see if he had come with someone.  My thinking is that it would be more embarrassing for a stranger to help him in that situation.  I saw that a few members of the church leadership were nearby and that they would shortly realize what had happened.  My other two children were already calling me from outside the church wanting to head home for lunch.  In short, these were my reasonings for telling my daughter that we shouldn’t get involved.   Looking back I think my attitude was selfish and I was just wanting to avoid any inconvenience to myself.  

What’s worse though, and this is the theme of this text, is that I discouraged the positive impulse of my daughter.  And this reaction was a manifestation of my daughter’s God-given gift of leadership.  

My prayer for you and I is that the Lord give us the sensitivity to recognise our loved ones’ best qualities.  Lord, help us to encourage our spouses, our children, our brothers and sisters, etc.. to increasingly (not “diminishingly”) express their gifts.  Father teach us to do so, even when these gifts sometimes annoy us and spark critical, unsupportive attitudes.  

by daviddawson462742281

Are the Important People in Your Life Happy When You Just “Be Yourself”?

Clique aqui para português

Who are the people in your life who encourage you to “be yourself”?  These are the ones whose desires for you are personal freedom to express what is best about you.  These people seem to appreciate the best of what you have to offer in terms of gifting and passion.  

Another way to look at this is tho think of those people who seem to act and feel the opposite way.  These people seem generally inclined to want to change the essence of who we are.  They might do this with good intentions thinking that our deepest sources of inspiration represent distractions or pipe dreams that will only lead to disappointment.  Maybe these people themselves are disenchanted with their own dreams.  Perhaps they see the years spent following “impractical” dreams as the wasting of the most precious commodity of time.  

Time does become more and more valuable as we progress through the phases of life.  I’m sometimes amazed at how some teenagers and people in their 20s seem to have so little urgency regarding life.  They just have an amazing ability to just “chill”, and I sincerely envy it at times 🙂

My wife is someone who has continually encouraged me to develop and share what I have of greatest worth.  My parents and grandparents have also done this throughout my life.  It is increasingly my opinion that talent, although valuable, is much more common than the relational support necessary to inspire someone to believe in their aspirations.  

Of course we can’t expect even those who love us to always approve every idea and priority we express.  My wife brings me back to earth if investing in my big picture projects equals neglect of immediate family needs.  

My dad loves to say that we all lead small lives, something I appreciate coming from a man that many would consider to lead an extraordinary life.  The life of a missionary is truly remarkable.  We have the privilege o living lives whose chapters are divided among nations that we invest in and experience deeply.  But a life of many transitions involves a huge amount of mundane logistics.  

It’s easy to lose sight of the vision God gave you when you first set out for a new international adventure.  Again, this is why I’m so grateful for those people in my life who remind me of God’s unique investment in my life, and the precious gift He wants me to be.  We just have to keep believing in His promises, investing daily in steps of obedience and staying near to Jesus our loving shepherd.  

As pessoas mais importantes em sua vida se alegram quando você é “você mesmo”?  

Quais são as pessoas que te encorajam assim, a ser a expressão mais autêntica da pessoa que Deus te criou para ser?  Estas são as pessoas que desejam que você tenha a liberdade e oportunidade de demonstrar o que há de melhor em ti.  E elas compreendem quais são estes tesouros especiais que Deus te deu para abençoar este mundo.  

Uma outra forma de analizar esta questão é perguntar quem são as pessoas que parecem pensar e agir no sentido oposto.  Estas pessoas parecem geralmente inclinadas a querer mudar a essência de quem nós somos.  Elas talvez o façam com boas intenções pensando que a nossa paixão e inspiração é apenas uma distração que só levará à decepção.  Muito provavelmente estas pessoas estão desiludidas com os seus próprios sonhos.  Talvez eles vêem os anos que gastaram investindo em projetos com a cabeça “nas núvens” como um grande desperdício de seu tempo e energias.  

Ao avançar pelas fases da vida o nosso tempo se torna cada vez mais valioso.  Eu fico impressionado com a forma que alguns jovens conseguem fazer nada por períodos extensos na maior tranquilidade.  Quando vejo eles eu sinceramente tenho inveja porque eu geralmente sinto que preciso constantemente investir meu tempo em algo prático.

A minha esposa é alguém que tem me encorajado a desenvolver e compartilhar o que há de maior valor dentro de mim.  Os meus pais e avós também.  Eu estou cada vez mais convencido de que o talento é relativamente comum mas os relacionamentos de apoio são o que mais falta para que as pessoas realizam o seu potencial.  

É claro que nós não podemos esperar que as pessoas – até mesmo as que nos amam – aprovam todas as nossas idéias e prioridades.  A minha esposa sabe me trazer de volta à terra quando os projetos “maiores” estão causando a negligência das necessidades imediatas da nossa família.  

O meu pai ama dizer que todos nós vivemos vidas “pequenas”, algo que eu admiro porque ele leva uma vida missionária que parece tão extraordinária.  A vida missionária realmente é um privilégio empolgante que envolver várias fases transculturais.  Mais as transições internacionais com sua esposa e família requerem um monte de logística chata também.  

Muitas vezes eu quero só fazer as tarefas diárias e imediatas e esquecer do quando maior da visão que Deus me deu.  É nestas horas que sou tão grato pelas pessoas na minha vida que me lembrar do investimento que Deus fez na minha vida.  O Senhor quer que eu seja um presente especial para este mundo, o que é maravilhoso seja para impactar poucos ou muitos.  Nós só temos que continuar a crer nas promessas de Jesus, a investir diariamente nos passos de obediência que Ele nos dá e a permanecer inspirados e fortalecidos na Sua presença.  

by daviddawson462742281

The Blessing of A Spouse With Different Dreams

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Sometimes I see couples who share a very specific dream of success. In my vocational context this could be a couple who pastor a church. By observing them one imagens them waking up each day inspired by an almost identical passion. Both of them are excited about numerical growth in the congregation. Both of them are excited about renovating the church building. Both of them are excited about building towards increased influence within their denomination.

I know couples who appear this way, both charging forward with the same passions and goals. My own marriage, however, has never been like this. Kati and I share a lot of goals and dreams but there’s also a lot of distinction in our visions of the good life. There have been many times that these differences seem like an incompatability that keeps us from achieving our full potential. After all the Bible does say, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Am. 3:3). Many men fantasize about having wives that would encourage them to stay longer at work than “nagging” them to come home early. I have less insight into what goes through wive’s heads. Maybe a wife is more ambitious for professional success than her husband and wishes he focused less on enjoying what they have and strove to get more.

For my part, I’ve learned to be so grateful that my wife doesn’t cheer me on towards the idols I’m already tempted to worship. I have enough trouble as it is dealing with the drive in me towards recognition, approval and achievement. Of course Kati desires these things as well, but in a way that is different enough as to not add to the burden I sometimes take upon myself.

Genesis 2:18 in the Amplified Version says, “The Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.” In my case, I’ve learned that a wife that is suitable, adapted and complementary to me is one very different from me in refreshing ways. God has used Kati over and over to unburden me from my idols because she isn’t as enamored with them as I am. I thank God for the moments when she says, “Give it a rest honey, you’ve done enough of that for today”.

Uma Esposa Com Sonhos Diferentes Aos Teus É Uma Bênçao

As vezes eu vejo casais que parece, partilhar um sonho igualzinho do “sucesso”.  Por exemplo, como pastor-missionário tenho visto casais que, aparentemente, acordam todo dia com a mesma inspiração para fazer o ministério crescer.  Seja a reforma do templo, um novo programa de treinamento para líderes ou um evento evangelístico, este casal parece estar sempre igualmente dispostos a pagar o preço para tais objetivos.  

No meu próprio casamento, porém, jamais foi assim.  Eu e a Kati partilhamos muitos sonhos e metas, mas cada um de nós tem uma visão bem diferente da “vida boa”. Muitas vezes estas diferenças parecem como uma incompatibilidade que nos impedem de realizar nosso pleno potencial como casal.  Afinal a Bíblia nos diz, “Duas pessoas andarão juntas se não tiverem de acordo?” (Amós 3:3).  Muitos maridos gostariam que suas esposas os encorajassem a trabalhar mais ao em vez de esperar que voltem cedo do serviço.  É claro que as esposas devem honrar a disposição de um marido esforçado no trabalho.  Porém, nós homens sabemos a diferença entre diligência e a idolatria do sucesso profissional.  

Imagino como seria se a minha esposa fosse me encorajar a ficar mais tempo no escritório e menos tempo com ela e as crianças.  Ou como seria se ela preferisse que eu curtisse os meus hobbies no fim de semana do que fazer um passeio em família?  Pode crer, há mulheres assim, aquelas que preferem mais poder de consumo do que mais tempo de qualidade com seus maridos.  

No nosso caso, eu e a Kati trabalhamos juntos na maioria dos nossos empreendimentos.  E até no que diz respeito do trabalho a Kati traz uma perspectiva diferente da execução que vem de suas prioridades diferentes.  Cada um de nós pensa diferente sobre o que é mais importante para a realização de nossos sonhos.  Embora isso as vezes causa conflito, ao longo dos anos nós dois vemos como nossas perspectivas são complementares não contrárias.  Deus tem usado a Kati na minha vida vez após vez para aliviar o fardo da idolatria do trabalho na minha vida.  Como sou grato pelas vezes que a minha esposa me diz, “Deu para hoje amorzinho, vem descansar comigo e as crianças”.