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At 44 years old I’m firmly in middle age. For me to think I’m exactly in the middle presumably I’ll need to live to 88, which is pretty optimistic. I eat healthy and exercise, but some aspects of my personality have probably taken some years off my life… the ones that make me hold onto unforgiveness, to be jealous and to let selfish idolatry sap my joy.

One aspect of this phase of my life is a diminishing sense of my own uniqueness. My twenties was probably when my opinion regarding my own originality was at its highest. I had very specific dreams and values and I read books on how to come up with mission statements and make long-term plans. My thirties were spent coming under the weight of those plans and often trying to make them happen in my own strength. When I was pastoring in Brazil a visiting preacher gave me a word, “There’s a difference between working for God and working with God”. I think he saw who I was.

The transition to my current phase of life involved an adjustment of expectations. I realize more and more that if really awesome things happen in the life of my family it’s going to be because God did it. And I believe God will do great things, it’s just going to be clear to me that He did so and not me. I’m really not that impressed with myself anymore and haven’t been for a while. That isn’t to say I feel bad about myself, it’s just that at my core I know God loves me and my abilities and accomplishments pale in comparison to that.

I used to think I was going to be a true original, not primarily because I already was as a child of God but because of the mark I was going to leave on the world. Now I look at so much about me and think, “I’m just a typical middle aged dude from California”. Sure I went off into missions and had some really unique experiences, but the core formation of the things I celebrate is rooted in the San Fernando Valley in the late 80s-early 90s. Skateboarding and going to the beach and playing my stratocaster, on a human level these still make up my foundational proclivities… what fascinates me and captivates my imagination.

And now in my forties as I realize that sports won’t always be a part of my life I chase at what I can still do before my dexterity evaporates. And as I talk to friends in the same season of life I realize how common this type of behaviour is. More and more I look at myself and think, “You’re so typical, what’s unique about you?”. Recently though I felt the Lord speak to me that my uniqueness doesn’t come from anything I do but the simple fact that He made me. It’s such a simple Sunday school lesson type of truth that there’s no one like us. King David had this type of mentality, saying that God had formed him in his womb. And he also said he learned not to occupy his mind with lofty matters and to nestle in the Father’s arms like a baby who was just fed.

That’s what I’m learning to do – to realize that my value comes from Who made me and Who values me and not my accomplishments. Such a simple lesson, but one that I feel I’m learning in a unique way in this season of my life. After all the striving and struggle and lofty ideals, I’m getting better at being happy just being me. I don’t have to do anything to be original, this is my birthright as one of God’s inimitable creations.

Nosso Valor Único Não Vem Das Nossas Realizações E Sim Do Nosso Criador

Aos 44 anos me sinto firmemente na meia idade.  É claro que achar que estou na metade da minha vida presume que eu viverei até 88 anos, que é bastante otimista.  Eu tento manter uma dieta saudável e fazer exercício.  No outro lado alguns aspectos da minha personalidade provavelmente vão diminuir um pouco o prazo da minha vida: a minha dificuldade de perdoar, a minha tendência à inveja e o egoísmo.  

Nesta fase de minha vida eu sinto cada vez menos “original”.  Nos meus anos 20 eu me achava bem criativo e inovador nos meus pensamentos e idéias.  Eu lia muitos livros sobre como destilar sua declaração de missão e articular ela numa phrase que me manteria sempre rumo à realização do meu destino.  Meus anos 30 foram gastos no grande esforço para realizar tais visões.  Quando eu era pastor no Brasil na época um pregador visitante me deu uma palavra, “Jovem, há uma diferença entre trabalhar para Deus e trabalhar com Deus”.  Com certeza aquele senhor teve um vislumbre da essência do meu ser. 

Era uma vez eu tinha grande confiança de que eu ia deixar a minha “marca” neste mundo, não pelo simples fato de ser filho de Deus mas pela minha criatividade singular.  Mas o conceito de quem eu sou é muito diferente ultimamente.  Penso que sou um típico cara de meia idade da Califórnia.  Claro eu fui para missões e tive muitas experiências extraordinárias.  Eu me sentia mais peculiar vivendo em outras culturas.  Mas Nestes 3 anos vivendo de novo na minha terra eu vejo que as coisas que gosto – tocar guitarra, andar de skate, surfar – são todas bem típicas do contexto cultural da minha infância.  Ainda são estas coisas que cativam a minha imaginação mais do que futebol, hóquei, ou pescar truta.  

E agora nos meus anos 40 eu percebo que a própria esporte não vai sempre fazer parte da minha vida.  Me sinto ansioso em curtir as esportes que eu gosto enquanto alguma destreza ainda existe. E quando converso com outros homens na mesma fase de vida eu vejo que estes desejos e preocupações são muito comuns.  Isso me faz olhar para mim mesmo e pensar, “Você é muito normal David, ordinário demais.  O que aconteceu com toda aquela criatividade e o desejo de viver uma vida diferente da maioria?”

Cada vez mais, porém, eu sinto a voz do Senhor me dizendo que a singularidade que eu desejo não vez das minhas realizações.  Eu sou único pelo simples fato que fui criado por Deus e não há ninguém como eu.   O rei Davi tinha essa mentalidade quando diz que Deus havia formado ele com formosura no ventre de sua mãe.  Em outro lugar Davi disse que ele havia aprendido a não ocupar a sua mente com questões elevadas demais para ele, mas a descansar no colo de Deus Pai como um nenê recém amamentado.  

Então é isso que eu estou aprendendo a fazer – a reconhecer que o meu valor vem de Quem me fez e me ama e não as minhas façanhas e proezas.  É uma lição tão simples mas um que estou aprendendo em nova dimensão nesta fase de vida.  Por décadas eu tenho me esforçado correndo atrás da visão ideal que eu projetei para minha vida.  Mas aos poucos estou aprendendo a ser feliz simplesmente sendo eu mesmo.  Eu não tenho que fazer nada para ser “original”, pois já o sou como uma das criações inimitáveis de Deus Pai.  

The Oxford Dictionary defines revelation in its religious sense as the divine or supernatural disclosure to humans of something relating to human existence or the world. Last Wednesday I went to my grandmother Joy Dawson’s house to have lunch and catch up. I had an idea of asking her to share for a few minutes on some spiritual topic so I could post it on my vlog. I got to grandma’s house, we had lunch, and then I asked her if she could share something for a few minutes. I explained that it could be any recent meditation or insight she’d received from the Lord, something like that.

Looking back I realize that I should have expected what happened next. Joy said she’d be delighted to but she would like to have some time to pray before to ask the Lord for a special word for the occasion. Of course I said that was fine, after all I usually try to leave several hours open when I go to visit my grandma.

So I laid down on the grass in the backyard and slipped into deep relaxation feeling like a kid in such familiar surroundings. I love her cute statues of rabbits and deer and the little bridge over a small stream. The water passes by an old orange tree that produces huge fruit in the San Fernando Valley sun.

When I woke I did’t know how much time had passed but when I found grandma she was sitting in her chair in her bedroom with the Bible open still waiting on the Lord. I asked her how it was going and she said she wasn’t feeling very well. I felt bad for putting a potential burden on her by asking her to share some kind of devotional meditation knowing that she would take the request very seriously. And for my grandma it’s not because she thinks a lot of people see my social media content, which they don’t. Joy would have spent just as much time and energy seeking the Lord if I had asked her to pray about a word for just one person.

I ended up apologizing to my grandma for putting her under pressure and suggested that she lie down and rest, which she did. And shortly after that I got back into my car and made the 1 hour trip home. The point of this post, how so many of us Christians have lost a sense of reverence and wonder for revelation from God. What an amazing thing to actually have access to and hear from the Creator God who sustains the universe with His word (He. 1:3).

Years ago I remember having a lively discussion with both my grandparents in their motorhome (which I now live in with my wife) about divine guidance and hearing the voice of God. I was arguing against the idea that we need such specific direction from the Lord as I had been brought up to believe. Looking back I feel like my perspective was simiular to the post-Enlightenment deistic understanding of God that people like Thomas Jefferson held. This is the supreme clockmaker God that creates the universe and then leaves it mostly to its own devices. I’ll never forget my papa Jim’s response. I can’t remember his exact words, but papa responded something like, “Well David, this is what we have learned, believed, and practiced”. His exact words were different, what I remember most was the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice. His manner was so gentle and yet strong with the authority of experience.

And as I think about the heritage of my family, passed down to me, regarding the practice of seeking God’s voice…. I think of the fruit in the lives of those who believe this is possible and a great privilege to be cherished. In my life, with all my postmodern ambiguity and jaded skepticism regarding God’s goodness and the perfection of His ways, the fruit pales in comparison to my grandparents’ amazing lives. My grandparents became influential leaders in the church but that’s not what I’m talking about. I refer to the joy and peace and personal evangelism and prayer lives they exemplified every time I was with them.

There are so many voices today even within the church that sow doubt in the authority of God’s word and our ability to hear His voice. I pray that I owuld experience a new revival in my belief in these things so I can pass them on to my kids. History has shown that Christian movements that lose their reverence for the doctrine of revelation – God’s supernatural communication – generally degrade into empty humanism and ultimately disappear as communities of faith altogether. Father help us to desire to hear Your voice again, and to believe that this is the urgent answer to all that eats away at the life Your promise in Your word.